The Onion recently had a competition to “Show us you’re nothing by sharing your boring, meaningless story on why you, and you alone, are the half-witted, filth-encrusted cretin most deserving of our disdain” in a 300 word essay. If chosen, … Continue reading
Columbus, OH – Outrage was unleashed upon the Internet this past week with the release of the trailer for the movie based on the book “50 Shades of Grey.” One Twitter user, @born2bmrsgrey, stated, “OMG I cannot believe the actor … Continue reading
Middle Of Nowhere, Montana – Doug Fir, a 200-year-old coniferous evergreen, took a tumble last week while enjoying his afternoon of standing in the same spot he’d been in his whole life thus far and swaying in the breeze. “The … Continue reading
Madison, WI – 22-year-old Harriet Reed graduated from a four-year private university this past May. “As I enter the real world with crippling debt due to student loans, the real crippling debt is in my heart,” states the young adult, … Continue reading
Tulsa, OK – YouTube has allowed many people to taste the sweet flavor of fame, and Gina Wagner is one of them. “I first realized the potential after I got my appendix removed two years ago and I’ve been posting … Continue reading
Rochester, NY – Local man Tim Rogers was feeling confident and ready when he arrived home after stopping by CVS after work. Earlier in the day, he had received a text from his girlfriend of 2 years asking him to … Continue reading
I would like to start this post by stating, once again, a heartfelt “sorry” for taking such a long absence. I was too busy being young and lively and not having access to a laptop while gallivanting around the world. … Continue reading
Please do not misinterpret the title of this post. This will not tell you how to not embarrass yourself. I cannot help you with that, nor can I help you solve a Rubix cube, nor can I pass a dog … Continue reading
Today’s post is dedicated to one of the most influential cats on the internet: Keyboard Cat. If you haven’t seen this virtuoso before, you haven’t lived.
Keyboard Cat is one-of-a-kind and absolutely breathtaking. The way his paws tickle the ivories and move with such grace makes my heart beam with joy. Guaranteed to lighten up your day, Keyboard Cat is like no other. Plus he’s fun to impersonate anytime you’re near a keyboard. Enjoy!
At part of my Caturday series, I thought I would also include some tips on owning your own cat. Because I have almost always had some kind of cat in my life since birth and am slowly immersing myself into the cat community, hoping to eventually be welcomed as one of their own, I feel like I am a qualified resource for this topic.
This week’s tip is focused on the fact that if you wish to be a happy cat owner, you have to have zero expectations from them. Cats are extremely independent creatures and they can lick their own butts, thank you very much. You don’t have to bathe them unless your cat somehow rolls in a giant mud puddle. If your cat wants to snuggle with you, it will. If it doesn’t want to, it will not give in no matter how many times you run after it and grab it by the hind legs and hold it as tight as you can without squishing its soul. Not all cats are people cats, and not all cats hide away in the rafters of your basement and exist solely as glowing orbs in the darkness. I’ve only ever owned cool cats, but that’s because I’m cool so I cannot guarantee this for every cat owner.
What you can expect from your cat:
- Fur on everything, even if you can’t see it.
- Probably will pee somewhere besides the litter box.
- Will chase things you cannot see, convincing you that ghosts reside in your house and are actually present right now.
- Sleeps in middle of the bed and regardless of how many times you move them, they will move back.
I hope you have all enjoyed this week’s Caturday. Remember, as cat people like to say, “The time is meow.”