The Onion recently had a competition to “Show us you’re nothing by sharing your boring, meaningless story on why you, and you alone, are the half-witted, filth-encrusted cretin most deserving of our disdain” in a 300 word essay. If chosen, … Continue reading
Category Archives: Personal
Foundational Firsts: Smooch Tale
I would like to start this post by stating, once again, a heartfelt “sorry” for taking such a long absence. I was too busy being young and lively and not having access to a laptop while gallivanting around the world. … Continue reading
A Guide To Avoid Feeling Embarrassed
Please do not misinterpret the title of this post. This will not tell you how to not embarrass yourself. I cannot help you with that, nor can I help you solve a Rubix cube, nor can I pass a dog … Continue reading
Today’s post is dedicated to one of the most influential cats on the internet: Keyboard Cat. If you haven’t seen this virtuoso before, you haven’t lived.
Keyboard Cat is one-of-a-kind and absolutely breathtaking. The way his paws tickle the ivories and move with such grace makes my heart beam with joy. Guaranteed to lighten up your day, Keyboard Cat is like no other. Plus he’s fun to impersonate anytime you’re near a keyboard. Enjoy!
Cat Owning 101: Set The Bar Low
At part of my Caturday series, I thought I would also include some tips on owning your own cat. Because I have almost always had some kind of cat in my life since birth and am slowly immersing myself into the cat community, hoping to eventually be welcomed as one of their own, I feel like I am a qualified resource for this topic.
This week’s tip is focused on the fact that if you wish to be a happy cat owner, you have to have zero expectations from them. Cats are extremely independent creatures and they can lick their own butts, thank you very much. You don’t have to bathe them unless your cat somehow rolls in a giant mud puddle. If your cat wants to snuggle with you, it will. If it doesn’t want to, it will not give in no matter how many times you run after it and grab it by the hind legs and hold it as tight as you can without squishing its soul. Not all cats are people cats, and not all cats hide away in the rafters of your basement and exist solely as glowing orbs in the darkness. I’ve only ever owned cool cats, but that’s because I’m cool so I cannot guarantee this for every cat owner.
What you can expect from your cat:
- Fur on everything, even if you can’t see it.
- Probably will pee somewhere besides the litter box.
- Will chase things you cannot see, convincing you that ghosts reside in your house and are actually present right now.
- Sleeps in middle of the bed and regardless of how many times you move them, they will move back.
I hope you have all enjoyed this week’s Caturday. Remember, as cat people like to say, “The time is meow.”
Weird Beginnings: My Childhood Role Models
This post is dedicated to the people who have helped make me the…unique…individual I am today. When humans are young, they tend to form connections with and look up to other humans known as “role models.” Sometimes I’m reminded that … Continue reading
The Return of the Caturday
Hello everyone. We meet again. I decided I should probably get my bootay in gear for the new year and write a Caturday post. Most people’s resolutions don’t involved a cat-themed blog post on the last day of the week, but I guess I’m not most people.
These cats clearly had an excellent New Year’s Eve, as did I. My goal is to nap less although I doubt that will happen. Yes, I am a cat. Yes, I do always land on my feet. No, you can not snuggle with me unless I give you permission.
2013: Hot Beatz
I pride myself on listening to a wide variety of music. I also pride myself on my ability to fall asleep at almost any time of the day, so I guess that’s really not saying much. I’m going to include … Continue reading
My WebMD: A Personal History of Self-Diagnosis
It’s been a full month since my last post. I feel like I’m constantly apologizing on this blog, but I also think I’m constantly apologizing in real life as well. Be it for running into you, making you feel extremely … Continue reading
I Win Things: A Look Into My History of Luck
Over many years I have entered many contests. From sweepstakes to raffles, I’m one of those people who enters because someone has to win! Why not me? Some of these have been extremely successful and that just drives me to … Continue reading