Middle Of Nowhere, Montana – Doug Fir, a 200-year-old coniferous evergreen, took a tumble last week while enjoying his afternoon of standing in the same spot he’d been in his whole life thus far and swaying in the breeze. “The wind all of a sudden picked up and I could tell that a storm was a-brewin’,” states the elderly pine, who was popular amongst both birds and squirrels alike. “Before I knew it, down I was going! I’d heard that sometimes in the movies someone will shout ‘Timber!’ but I didn’t hear anything along those lines, in fact I didn’t hear anything at all!” Fir claims to be unsure if anyone was within range to be aware of his tumble. “If no one was there to hear my fall, how do I know if it even made a noise?” Sources claim to have been pondering the same thing for many years. Fir hopes that someday he will find an answer to his question, if you have any information regarding this tree’s nose-dive, please let us know.