Why I Would Suck At Being Famous

I’ve wanted to be famous for forever. My dream is to have people know me and think I’m cool, because no one has ever known me and thought I was cool. However, I think I would be shit at it. Here’s why:

1. I am horrible at talking to people. I try my hardest to stick with the people I already know at parties and am the worst at small talk.  I will say something awkward and slightly offensive and we’ll both walk away not quite understanding what just happened.

2. I open up too easily. I’ll be having a casual conversation with someone and then all of a sudden I’ll start rambling on about something that is way too personal and way too inapplicable. Like how in middle school I pulled out all my eyelashes.

3. There are millions of absolutely hideous pictures of me floating around the universe. Some people have awkward stages, I have an awkward life. Be it double chins, partway closed eyes, or a face that is blurred just badly enough, it has happened to me and it has happened many times.

Exhibit A.

Yikes

4. I get starstruck at the mildest of celebrities. There’s a girl a couple years older that me from high school who plays the ukulele on youtube . She walked into my english classroom one day and I said, “OH MY GOD IT’S YOU I LOVE YOU.” (direct quote). This would occur in every and all situations, and I would be both an embarrassment to myself and to society in general for liking me.

5. I will do anything if you chant my name. I mean anything. And it doesn’t even take that much chanting. If this gets out, the fans could get me to do some pretty questionable things. I’m already worried.

6. I’m always tired. I’m one of the least productive people because I always need to stop and take a nap. Famous people get to go on cool vacations, which is something I can definitely see myself being good at, but I’m not too into always being busy and not having time to flop in my own bed.

And finally:

7. Jennifer Lawrence has already taken my personality and made it famous. She says whatever, drinks at inappropriate times, and is endlessly talking about food. That is what I do. And let me tell you, I’m pretty good at it. However, if I were to do these things while being famous, everyone would think I was copying her when I was just being my kick-ass self.

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